Healing After Divorce

Divorce can be severely debilitating. It can disrupt your life on many levels, from work to your social life to your physical health. The journey to healing after a divorce is a long one, and it is not easy. However, by dealing with your divorce, you can ultimately find yourself in a much better place.

When a person goes through any traumatic experience, such as divorce, it is important to try to get control of their life and emotions. To heal after a divorce, you must stop seeing yourself as a victim. Recognize that you alone are responsible for your fate; however circumstances may treat you, it is still up to you how you will go forward. It is up to you to decide whether you will learn from mistakes, or whether you will be crippled by them. Create an action plan that includes all areas of your life. Commit to your physical well-being by taking care of your body through a healthy, balanced diet and exercise. The connection between your physical and mental and emotional health is a strong one; when one is failing, the others often fall behind as well.

Part of gaining control after a divorce is restoring and/or maintaining a positive self image. Even if you are the one that initiated the divorce, the feelings of failure and betrayal that accompany divorce can overwhelm you sense of who you are. It is important to keep these feelings in perspective. Don’t put yourself down now; what is done is done, and it cannot be undone. Going forward, you need to have your bearings about you. Stop comparing yourself to others. Try to focus on the things that you can do, even the small things. Every day that you get out of bed is one more day that you are further in the recovery process, and one more sign that you are learning how to heal after your divorce.

Divorce not only hurts the parties involved, it can hurt their friends and family, especially the children. If you have children, don’t let them become pawns in a struggle between your ex and you. Often, by focusing on the needs of others, we are able to move past our own problems. Don’t overcompensate, but make sure that you are being a good parent by taking care of your children and by making sure that they know that, no matter what happens, you love them and have their best interests at heart. You have to help them heal after divorce, as well.

Part of healing after a divorce is just getting out of the house from time to time. Isolation only leads deeper into depression; get out with your friends and your family. When you get invited to an activity, force yourself to go if you have to; in the end, time that you spend with other relationships will very much help you deal with divorce.

If you are having an extremely difficult time, you should seek professional help. A therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, or religious leader may be able to help you to begin or speed up the healing process after divorce.